Damaged Birds: A Margo Story
by SoulfullyInclined
Summary: Although this *has* been Discontinued Please Read 'Birds Damaged' which is the same story just - hopefully - written better. Thank you.
1. Margot Fonteyn

_I don't know what the name of the room in a church where all the pews are is called. If someone would tell me that, it would be immensely helpful. Thank you._

_I had an entire chapter explaining who Angela is but I don't know where it went._

_Some names have been changed. _

_The play mentioned in Chapter 10 is Shakespeare's Macbeth. You're never supposed to say the name of that play in a theatre, it's bad luck. Even when you perform the play you're supposed to call it 'that Scottish play'.  
_It was morning, 5 a.m. I was at the ballet studio, in the locker room, stretching. Few people were around. It was still dark out, and cold. Ballet started at 7. Most of the students came in at 6.

The locker room was small, with 3 walls that had tall metal lockers along them, the door in the 4th, a carpeted floor and 2 wooden benches.

It was September, the first month of school. The month of apples, maple syrup, cinnamon, apple cider and fall. Halloween was more than a month away. We had a show on October 15 and then several on the 28, 29, 30, 31 and November 1. On that very day we started rehearsing for the Nutcracker, which we performed November 15, November 30, December 1, December 15, Christmas and December 30.

I wanted a lead part in this year's upcoming performance of Dracula, which meant I had to get to the studio earlier than most of the students to do more stretching, more practicing. If I didn't get the lead my next choice was one of the women who seduces Johnathon when he's at Dracula's castle. I had the hair for it, dark and long. Having Vanessa, the mystic, for a sister definitely helped because she loved the story, and had a friend who was a vampire. This helped me to get into character.

I was already dressed in my black leotard, white tights and pink pointe shoes and my long dark hair was up in its bun. I was sitting on the uncomfortable carpeted floor of the dressing room, stretching over my right leg, which was in front of me. Some students chose to stretch in the locker room, some in the studio. Once the ballet teacher entered the studio you knew it was time for class to begin.

I'd had breakfast, a muffin at 4, before I left for class. I'd grabbed a Luna bar on the way out the front door. At the time everyone in my family had been still asleep. Because the buses didn't start running until 6 a.m. and neither of my parents were awake I'd had to walk to the studio

I switched legs.

Pointe shoes were expensive. The class was a pointe class. Because most of us had been taking ballet since we were 4; we went on pointe when we were 13. Because different teachers had different opinions of when the right time was for a dancer to go on pointe, the students in the class tried to stay with the same ballet school throughout their years of studying ballet.

Each dancer had at least 3 pairs of pointe shoes; one for class, one for rehearsal and one for shows. We had to keep replacing them, and our toe wrappings. In a way it was another form of self-destruction. I knew about that because I cut, as did Vanessa, sometimes. I wasn't sure if Claire did or not.

13 was a defining age in my life.

My younger sister Claire was 13 and Vanessa was 17. I was 15. At her age, Claire was already a model, which was surprising because most young women her age didn't start modeling untill they were older.

We usually started class at the barre with plies, ron de jombs, tendus, pointe work and other, then moved to the center after wich we traveled across the floor and finished at the barre. It was hard work, tiring, but worth it in the end

One of the girls in the class, Anna Nicole, walked into the locker room.

"Hey Margo," she said when she saw me.

"Hey," I said.

She went over to her tall metal locker.

"How are you?"

"Ok," I replied honestly.

"Oh."

She opened her locker and stuffed her long purple duffel bag in, then sat on the floor next to me and began stretching.

Anna Nicole was pretty; tall, thin with long dark hair and dark eyes. Like me, she had her hair pinend up and was wearing a black leotard, white tights and pointe shoes. She sat down on the floor and started stretching.

Other than the fact that she was in the ballet class I was, I didn't know much about her.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been quite a long day. School'd been alrite, boring. Long. I was walking to the bus stop that night from the ballet school after yet another ballet class. I had ballet from 4 – 6 and stayed until 7 to practice by myself. I knew the steps and choreography that were required for the audition, which was in a few weeks. I needed to get in as much practice as I possibly could. I knew the story of Dracula, which Vanessa and I found incredibly fascinating.

It was raining, but there wasnt any thunder or lightning. I had my umbrella over me. I was sitting on the gray cement bus bench waiting for the bus to come. The bench was very uncomfortable. The fact that the only things I'd had to eat that day were Luna bars from my room probably didn't help my discomfort. Thismeant I hadnt eaten much which meant I was losing weight and therefore didnt have much muscle mass for padding, which made the bench just that much more uncomfortable. A large red apartment building was behind the bus bench. As usual at this time of day, Molly, Vanessa, Claire and the boys were out, Dad was at the office and Mom was at her book club meeting.

"Hey," a man said from behind me.

He'd appeared out of nowhere.

I proceeded to ignore him, as I didn't know him.

"You look cold," he told me; "why don't you come inside?"

I sat on the bench, continuing to ignore me. He didn't like this.

Before I knew it, he grabbed me and took me up into the apartment building, up the stairs and into what I assumed was his aparement. I tried to fight him off as well as I could. But he said "you wouldn't want anyone to hear, would you?". I did, that's why I was screaming and yelling. He locked his apartment and gave me something to drink; I think it was wine. I couldn't see the bevearage because in September it was usually dark by 5 or 6 and he'd dimmed all the lights.

I could tell, even though I couldnt see him, that he was large.

Within a few seconds I was swept up into a world of pain, men and alcoholism.


	3. Claire

**Claire**

It was 9:00 p.m. and I was at home. Usually Margo would've been home by now. I'd called her cell phone several times but she hadn't answered either because A: she was busy, B: it was on silent, C: it was turned off or D: it was dead. She'd left her charger in her room that morning before she went out. Because we lived in the same house I hadn't another way to reach her. That I knew of, I seemed to be the only one who cared where she was.

I was sitting on my bed in my and Margo's room, reading Prozac Nation for the 2nd time and snacking on nuts. My friend from modeling Ruthie Camden was sitting on Margo's bed reading Little Altars Everywhere. Her dad was out as was her older brother Matt. Her mom and other siblings were home. As usual, Dad had stayed at his office overnight. Molly's friend Jessi was over, as was her younger sister Reba who was Vanessa's age and their friends Charlotte and Haley. Jessi was in Molly's room, Charlotte, Haley and Reba were all in Vanessa's room. Mom, Molly and my brothers were arguing downstairs. I could hear them yelling but tried to block it out by reading. This happened every single night. It didn't help that Dad spent nights at the office. Down the hall in Vanessa's room I heard Tori Amos playing.

I was the youngest in the family at 13, with Molly being the oldest at 19. Vanessa was 17 as was Reba, Jessi was 19 and Margo was 15. We were like stepping stones, I guess. Our mom was around 40 and our dad was 52. My brothers were all 18, with Nicky being the younger 18. Ruthie was 13 and Charlotte and Haley were 17.

I put my book face down on my bed, went out of my room, down the hall and into Vanessa's doorway. I smelled incense. Vanessa, Charlotte, Reba and Haley were in the room. Vanessa and Charlotte were sitting on Vanessa's purple bed while Reba and Haley were sitting on the floor.

"Vanessa?" I asked.

She looked up from her writing.

"What Claire?" she asked, exasperated by the argument downstairs.

"Where's Margo?"

"I don't…wait, what?"

"Margo's not here."

"Oh no," Charlotte said.

"I tried to call her but she won't answer her phone."

"Jessi!" Reba yelled.

Jessi came into the room. I heard a door slam downstairs. This meant my brothers had left to go off somewhere. Molly came up the stairs.

"Molly!" Haley called.

Molly came and stood behind me in the doorway.

"Yeah?" Jessi asked.

"Um, we can't find Margo," Vanessa told them.

"Oh god."

"Claire was the one who noticed it," Charlotte said.

"How long has she been gone?" Molly asked.

"Idinno but she would've been home by now."

"Yes, she would've."

"And you checked her room?" Reba asked.

I nodded.

"Yeah. It's empty."

"Oh."

"I've called her, too. But she didn't answer."

"We can't tell Ginger, you know how she gets," Haley said.

Ginger was our mom.

"Yeah. Ok, Molly and I are going to drive around and try and find her. Claire, have Ruthie call Lucy and her mom. The rest of yall stay here. We can't call the police yet not untill it's been 24 hours," Jessi said.

I nodded; "ok."

Lucy was one of Ruthie's older sisters. Mary was the other one.

I went back to my room. Ruthie looked up from her reading.

"So no one knows where Margo is," I told her.

"Oh."

"Jessi and Molly are going to go look for her. We're not calling the police just yet and Haley told me not to tell Mom yet."

"Oh."

"However, they want you to call Lucy and your mom to see if they know anything."

Ruthie sighed; "ok."

She pulled out her cell phone and called her house.

"Hi Mom?" she asked.

"Oh hi Mary. Is Mom there?...ok. Hi Mom…hi. Um have you seen Margo lately?...yes. . .oh ok. is Lucy there? Ok."

"My mom says she hasn't seen Margo anywhere today," Ruthie told me.

"Oh."

"Yeah. ….. hi Lucy…um, ok, you?...oh. Yeah, I guess so…um well have you seen Margo anywhere lately?...yeah, her."

"How many other Margos could she know?" Ruthie mouthed.

"There is Margot Fonteyn," I replied.

Ruthie nodded.

My sister Margo had a poster of Margot Fonteyn on one of our walls as well as one of Anna Pavlova.

"Oh ok…..yeah that's it. Bye."

Ruthie turned and looked at me; "my mom hasn't seen Margo but she'll go look. And Lucy met Margo at the church but Margo didn't say where she was going."

"Oh," I said.


	4. A House On Top Of A Hill In A Forest

**Margo**

After meeting in the coffee shop, Lizzie, Kate and I walked through the city until we arrived at a hill. Perched on top of the hill were pine trees. Within the pine trees was a large white house.

"I like my privacy," Kate explained, and led us up the hill.

She unlocked and opened the front door and we stepped inside into warmth and more darkness. Kate put her keys down on a table to the right of us and flipped on the lights. The front entryway was large and had tile floors.

"Yall want something to drink?" Kate asked.

Lizzie and I nodded.

Kate led us into the kitchen where she turned on the lights and pulled cups out of the cupboard. Lizzie opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of refried beans which she stuck in the microwave. I rifled through the cabinets until I found a Luna bar which I unwrapped after dropping my stuff on the floor.

"Lizzie, would you go see if there's a robe Margo can borrow?" Kate asked.

"Sure," Lizzie replied.

She led me out of the kitchen and to our left, up a large white staircase. As we went up the staircase she turned on several lights.

"Won't we wake people up?" I asked.

I was so used to having my house full of people.

"Oh no," Lizzie replied.

"Amy, Kate's cousin/'baby-sitter' is out with some of her friends and her mom, who doesn't give a damn, sleeps like a rock."

"Oh."

Lizzie led me down the end of the white hallway and into Kate's room, where she pulled 2 black robes from the closet. We undressed and put the robes on. It was oddly quiet as we went downstairs. Even at my house at the dead of night you could tell there were more people than here.

"Wow how long has this house been here?" I asked.

"Since the 1800s," Kate answered as we made our way into the kitchen.

Lizzie's beans were done; she took them out of the microwave, stirred them and put them back in.

"Oh wow," I said, pulling out a light wooden kitchen chair from the round table and sittinng down in it.

"Yeah, I know. It was my ancestors. When they came over here from England they bought this house. And it's been in our family ever since. They came over in 1800," Kate told me.

"Oh."

Kate placed a cup of chai tea in front of me, which I sipped.

"Hey do you mind if I stay here tonight?" I asked; "since I really don't have anywhere else to go and I really don't want to go home, in the dark, at 1 a.m."

"No, of course not, Margo," Kate said.

"Ok."

The kitchen was white with a tile floor and black fridge.

"God it's quiet," I remarked.

"Yeah well its how it usually is," Lizzie told me.

"I know but in my house there are usually 8 people, my mom included."

"Wow," Kate said.

"Yeah, I know. I have 7 siblings; 3 sisters and 4 brothers. Who drink. And do drugs. Claire's a model, Vanessa's a mystic, Molly baby sits, Mom's a housewife and we never see Dad as he's always at the office."

"My dad's dead," Lizzie said.

I looked at her.

"He died last august 31. And since, my mom's become a workaholic. I never see my brother."

"Oh wow. Lizzie I don't know what to say."

"Yeah well."

"I wish I never saw my dad," Kate said.

I nodded; "yeah I can see why."

Lizzie's beans were done. She sat down in a chair at the kitchen table and ate them.

"All Amy ever does is smoke, drink and laugh," Kate told me.

"Ohh."

"She's 19."

"She's the same age as Molly."


	5. Waking Up At Kate's

**Tuesday**

It was the next day, Tuesday. I woke up on an inflatable mattress under a green wool blanket and didn't remember where I was or even why I was wearing a black robe other than my own. I looked around me and realized I was in Kate's room. Now I remembered. Downstairs, I heard Lizzie and Kate talking and smelled coffee, waffles and muffins. I got up and made my way downstairs into the kitchen.

"Hey Margo," Lizzie said when she saw me.

"Hey," I said.

Lizzie poured me a glass of fruit punch and put it on the table in front of me where I was sitting. Kate was standing at the waffle iron making waffles and the smell of muffins was coming from the oven.

"I need to make more," she explained.

I just nodded.

"How'd you sleep?" Lizzie asked me.

"Good, actually."

"Oh."

There was a plate of muffins on the table. I stood up and rifled through the cabinets until I found a Luna bar, which I unwrapped and started eating.

"Did you make the muffins?" I asked Kate.

"Yeah. And the other ones."

"Oh. Hey did I miss ballet?"

"No it was closed for some strange reason," Lizzie said.

"Oh."

"Janet and Amy are out, as usual."

"Janet's my mom," Kate told me.

"Oh."

"We don't drink coffee we just like the smell of it," Lizzie told me.

"Yeah I know me too. At the mornings at my house usually either molly or mom is drinking coffee. Sometimes mom drinks tea though. She always makes muffins."

"Oh."

I grabbed an apple out of the red bowl on the counter and started eating it. Lizzie sat down at the kitchen table with her cup of tea. After the waffles were done Kate unplugged the waffle iron, put the waffles on 2 plates and brought them over to the kitchen table along with silverware, syrup, butter and a glass of milk.


	6. Halloween & Dracula

It was a few weeks later, Halloween night, a Friday and our penultimate performance of Dracula. Our last performance was tomorrow. We had one in the afternoon and one at night. I'd auditioned for the part of one of the vampire women who seduces Johnathon when he's at Dracula's and gotten it. There were a lot of dancers, who had parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings who were married who had families, in the auditorium.

The Camdens were there along with Matt's girlfriend, along with Vanessa, Claire, Molly, Mom, Jessi, Reba, Haley and Charlotte. Jessi and Reba were there with their parents and their younger brother John. Haley was there with her brother and her parents and Charlotte was there with her parents. Angela was there with Lily and her other daughter Violet Rose.

As it turned out, Lizzie and Kate went to the same ballet school I did and were in the same performance. Over my leotard I was wearing a long black dress and my hair was already up in its bun. I was backstage with the other dancers when we heard a loud crash onstage and raced out into the wings to see what'd happened. One of the set pieces had crashed onto the stage along with a coil of rope.

"Was anyone whistling?" one of the dancers, Lia, asked.

Everyone knows it's bad luck to whistle inside a theatre.

"I repeat, was anyone whistling?"

"Or did anyone say the name of the play you're not supposed to say?" Meg asked.

Vanessa stepped up onstage.

"Lia, Meg, I don't think _this_," she indicated the fallen set piece, "is due to anyone or anything living."


	7. November 1

**Saturday**

It was the next day, Saturday, November 1. Saturday morning, actually, at 8. For once, I didn't have to wake up early. I had an all-morning rehearsal for Dracula in 2 hours then the 2 performances tonight. Kate, Lizzie and Lucy had slept over the night before, as had her sister Ruthie, who was Claire's friend. The rest of the Camdens were at their house. Reba, Haley and Charlotte had also slept over as had Jessi. I knew that Dad was at the office and Jessi and Molly were baby sitting. And that the boys were out somewhere. I smelled coffee downstairs and knew Mom was up. I also smelled waffles and muffins, which meant Kate was up and she had probably made us something for breakfast. The boys hadn't come to my performance the night before, or any other one. No one knew where they were and no one particularly cared. We were just glad they weren't here.

I heard Kate, Lizzie and Mom downstairs talking. Everything else was relatively quiet. Lucy was still asleep. I opened the drawer of my next-to-the-bed nightstand, took out a Luna bar, closed the drawer, unwrapped the Luna bar and began eating it. I was feeling a bit dizzy but decided that would pass with the eating of the Luna bar. It did but I continued to feel dizzy throughout the day. Luckily, I was able to go through rehearsal and the performances flawlessly. It was after the last performance that was a problem.


	8. Fainting Spells Backstage

I was backstage with Kate and Lizzie. We'd just had our final performance of Dracula for this year. It was 11 p.m.. Kate and Lizzie were introducing themselves to those that didn't know them. The stage and auditorium were packed with dancers and their families, as was the lobby. Everyone was talking amongst themselves and our dance teacher had just come over to introduce herself. Kate, Lizzie and I were still in our costumes, make up and pointe shoes and the backstage lights were on. I'd sat down at a nearby bench because I was feeling very dizzy. Lucy was sitting next to me. I turned to her.

"Lucy, I said, "I'm feeling very dizzy. Will you get me some-?" before the words were even out of my mouth I swan-dove into someone's strong, thick, waiting arms.

I think they were either Matt's, Mr. Camden's or Mr. Ramsey's, Jessi's dad. I was glad the arms were there or else I would've headed straight to the hard stage floor. I didn't remember what happened next, as I'd passed out.


	9. At The Hospital

I woke up in a hospital room, or at least I think that's what it was. I was on a raised bed and warm covers were over me. An IV was stuck into my right arm. The tv was turned to the food network and a nurse was smiling down at me.

"Hello luv," the nurse said.

She reminded me of Angela.

"Angela?" I asked, confused.

"No, sorry, I'm afraid you've the wrong person. My name is Megan," she told me.

"That's my sister's middle name, Megan. Molly Megan."

"I know. I met her when she brought you here."

"Ugh what happened? How long have I been here?"

"4 days."

I calculated the time and date in my head; "so it's Wednesday, November 5, right?" I asked.

The nurse nodded; "yes."

"What time is it?"

"Around 1."

"Oh."

"You passed out Saturday night after your ballet recital and have been sleeping on and off ever since. You're in the hospital."

"Yeah that's what I assumed."

I felt compelled to introduce myself; "I'm-"

The nurse stopped me; "I know who you are. They told me. You're Margo."

"Yes, yes I am."

"So how are you now?"

"I don't know. Hungry, I think."

The nurse pulled a chair next to my bed.

"Margo," she said; "when you eat you're going to have to be extremely careful."

I looked at her, dreadfully curios. Wanting to know more but at the same time not wanting to.

"Because, dear, what you have…….the doctors discovered you have anorexia nervosa."

I had heard of it and knew what it was. I just didn't want to believe that it was happening to me.

"I'm so sorry," I said, wanting to cry.

"It's alrite luv. It isn't your fault."

That was the first since the incident at the man's apartment in September that anyone had said this to me.

"Margo, we have a wonderful support system here. You'll have visitors later and your roommate will be coming in. She's very nice and I think you two will get on quite well."

"Are you from England?" I asked.

"Yes, I am."

"Do you know Angela?"

"The woman in the coffee shop?"

I nodded.

"Yes that's where we met. In England."

I looked out the window and saw that it was snowing. I thought of that line from RENT 'kiss me its beginning to snow'.

"How long has it been snowing?" I asked.

"Off and on since your arrival."

"Oh."

"You're lucky you didn't hit your head," the nurse told me.

"Yeah, I know. Who……?"

"Who did you fall into?" the nurse laughed; "a very kind man by the name of Eric Camden."

I recognized the last name Camden.

"Lucy's dad."

"Yes."

I went back to sleep.


	10. Visitors

I woke up later that day, around 5 or 6, I think. It was dark but still snowing according to the news. Megan the nurse came into my room.

"Margo you have visitors," she told me.

Lucy and her dad were the first to come into the hospital room. Lucy sat on the chair by my bed that Megan had been sitting in earlier that day and Mr. Camden sat on a nearby chair.

"Hi Margo," she said.

"Hi."

"Hi Mr. Camden," I said.

"Hi."

"What time is it?" I asked Lucy.

"Around 6," she answered.

"That's what I thought."

"You lose all sense of time when you're in the hospital. Believe me I know."

"Yeah, you do."

"So how are you?"

"Ok. Hungry."

"You have-"

"Yeah, I know. They told me."

"Oh."

Pause.

"Mr. Camden,"

He cleared his throat; "yes Margo?"

"Thank you for um………" I wasn't quite sure how to phrase this.

"You're welcome."

"It's snowing," Lucy told me.

"Yes, I know. Very much, according to the weather channel."

Megan popped her head around the doorway.

"Margo?" she said; "you've several more visitors."

Angela came in with Lily, and her other daughter Violet Rose. A tall man with dark hair and blue eyes came in with them.

"Hi Eric," Angela said as she came in.

"Hi Angela," he replied.

"Hi Margo," Angela said.

"Hi. How do you know Mr. Camden?"

"He and I met after your fall, we got to talking, and then we had dinner with his wife."

"Oh."

"Hi Margo," Lily said.

"Hi."

"Charles, this is Margo, Vanessa's sister," Lily told the man; "Margo, this is my husband, Charles."

"Hi."

"Hello dear, very nice to meet you. You're a wonderful dancer."

"You too. Thank you. You're from Ireland, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

Pause.

"So how are you?" Violet asked me.

"Ok. Hungry though."

"Well that's only to be expected."

"Do you want to go get some coffee?" Angela asked Mr. Camden.

He nodded.

Lucy, Mr. Camden, Angela, Lily, Charles and Violet left. The next group of visitors to come in were Lizzie, Kate, Robert, Fred and mark. Mark, Robert and Fred were the guys we had met when we went clubbing after the performance Halloween night. They all had dark hair and dark eyes.

"Hey," Lizzie said.

"Hey," I said.

"How are you?" Kate asked.

"Ok. Hungry."

"We heard about what happened," Robert said.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Kate and Lizzie told us," Fred informed me.

"Oh."

Pretty soon they left and I went back to sleep.


	11. Group Therapy

**Thursday**

It was Thursday, the next day. I'd been up for awhile. It was November 6 and morning. I looked over to my right and saw a young woman with black hair and brilliant blue eyes sitting up in a hospital bed.

"Hey," she said when she saw me; "I'm Morgan. I'm 17."

"Hi. I'm Margo. I'm 15. You're the same age as my sister Vanessa. She's a mystic."

"Oh. Nice to meet you."

"Thank you. You too."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"As are you."

Pause.

"Why are you here?" I asked Morgan.

"I was dating this guy and he was abusing me. You?"

"Oh. I fainted after a ballet recital last Saturday night."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Pause.

"oh. Sounds like my friend Lucy's brother's girlfriend. Well, that was in her previous relationship, before she got together with Matt, Lucy's brother. Lucy's 14. My sister Claire's 13. Lucy's sister Ruthie is 12. She and Claire model," I said.

"Oh. My sister Ashley's 11. She models and takes ballet as well."

"Oh. Lucy's brother Simon and her aunt Julie drink."

"Oh."

Pause.

"I have more siblings, as does Lucy," I said.

"As do I. how big is your family?"

"7 more siblings. You?"

"6. And Lucy's?"

"5."

"Oh."

Pause.

"We have group therapy in a bit with Sierra and Lila and some other people," Morgan informed me.

"Oh. Sierra? Lila?"

"Sierra's my best friend who also happens to be pregnant by her late father. No one knows where her mother is."

"Oh god wow."

"Yeah, I know. And we met Lila here. She's very nice but kind of shy."

"Oh."

Pause.

We walked out of our room down the hall and into another room. Several young women and 1 guy were sitting on chairs as was Megan. One of the young women was pregnant and had light brown hair. I assumed she was sierra. The other one had dark brown hair and dark brown eyes and gauze around her wrists. Morgan and I sat down in one of the chairs.

"Hey," I said to the pregnant one; "I'm Margo. I assume you're Sierra?"

She nodded.

"Yeah hey. My room's right down the hall in the opposite direction. I know where yours is," she said.

"Oh."

"Hi I'm Lila," the girl with gauze around her wrists told me.

In group therapy I learned that the guy was a drug addict, and one of the young women was an arsonist/pyromaniac. We talked about why we did the things we did. Mine was because I wanted to stand out, Lila's was because she felt no one noticed her as was Morgan's and Sierra's was unplanned.

After group therapy, I met Lila's friend Jessica. Kate, Lizzie and Lucy visited and they met Morgan, Sierra, Lila and Jessica.


	12. Talking With Sierra

That night at 9 I went down the hall into Sierras' room. I knocked on the open door. Lila, Sierra's roommate, was asleep.

"Come in!" Sierra called.

I went in and sat in a chair next to sierras bed.

"Hey Margo," she said.

"Hey. How are you?"

"Ok. Tired. I swear, this morning sickness is going to be the death of me!"

We laughed. I looked over at Lila.

"Oh, don't worry. She's a heavy sleeper," Sierra told me.

"Oh. How far along are you?"

"3 months. I'm gonna carry her all the way."

"Her?"

"Yeah. She's a girl. Her name is Samantha I've already decided."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah. Unwilling and unplanned. But not unwanted. I love kids. I'm great with my little sister. She's 6."

"Oh."

"It's kinda confusing, actually."

"Yeah well family circumstances usually are."

"Yeah. My little sister is the daughter of my brother Shawn's birth mother. He found this out from our late father. You believe in ghosts, right?"

I nodded.

"Yeah. My older sister Vanessa's a mystic."

"Oh. Well anyway, Shawn's mom Verna, the woman we had been living with for so long, is not his actual mom, as I just stated," Sierra continued; "but his actual mom was a stripper. One night 6 years ago she had a one night stand with this guy. And that's how we got my little sister."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Is it hard?" I asked, since I knew I would be pregnant soon.

"What, growing up in this family?"

"No. the pregnancy."

"Oh yeah. God yes. But it's worth it. It's the most incredibly phenomenal thing a woman can do."

"Oh. How did Shawn react?"

"Oh, he was angry about it. More angry at our late father, though."

"Oh."

"Why do you ask?"

"Well Sierra, I was damaged by a man about 2 months ago. I didn't know who he was. It was in his apartment. Before I knew it I was swept up into a world of pain, alcohol and men. I know where his apartment is. Other then the fact that it happened the only other evidence I have is an extra key to his place. For the police. I know I'll have to tell them eventually. You're the 4th person I've told. The others are Lucy, Kate and Lizzie."

"Oh. He got you drunk?"

"No, he didn't. He gave me something to drink. I think it was wine but I don't know as it was dark in his place when it happened."

"Oh. You were under the influence then."

"Oh god."

"Margo," Sierra looked at me; "you do know what it's called when a man takes advantage of a woman that way?"

She sounded so serious and motherly, which was really nice.

I nodded.

"Yes, I do."

"Ok. Are you going to keep it?"

"I honestly don't know. I would love to but don't know if I'd have the time."

"Oh."


	13. Friday

**Friday**

It was the next day, Friday. We didn't have group therapy. Morgan and I'd been up for awhile. It was snowing outside. Morgan's nurse was sick, ironically, so Megan had taken over. She popped her head around the edge of the doorway.

"Morgan," she said, "you've visitors."

A group of 9 people walked into the room. 3 guys 3 young women. 2 of the young women were blonde. One had blue eyes and looked about Ruthie's age and the other had blonde fluffy hair, brown eyes and a little girl in her arms, who was also blonde. Another of the women had brown eyes, light brown hair and looked to be my mom's age. She was standing with a man who also had brown hair.

"Hi Missy hi Olivia," Morgan said to the woman and her little girl.

"Hi Morgan," she replied. She noticed me; "hi I'm Missy, Morgan's older sister. This is my daughter, Olivia. She's 3."

"Hi I'm Margo," I told her.

"Hi Margo," the blonde who looked about Ruthie's age said; "I'm Ashley. I model and take ballet."

"Hi."

"Hi Morgan," the woman who looked to be my mom's age said.

"Hi Mom hi Dad," Morgan said; "this is my friend Margo."

"Hi Margo," the woman said; "I'm Mrs. Matthews, Morgan's mom. This is my husband also known as her dad."

"Hi."

We laughed.

"Hey Morgan," an older man with curly brown hair and brown eyes said.

"Hi," the woman standing next to him said.

She had brown eyes and light brown hair.

"Hey," a younger guy with light brown hair and hazel eyes said.

"Hey Morgan howrya?" a guy with dark eyes, a dark goatee and dark hair said.

"Hey Shawn. I'm ok. Sierra's in the room down the hall. Her roommate is Lila; she's very nice but a bit shy. This is my friend Margo. Margo, this is Cory, my older brother; Topanga, his wife; Eric, my oldest brother and Shawn, Sierra's brother and Cory's best friend."

Cory was the one with curly brown hair, Topanga was the woman standing next to him, Eric was the guy with hazel eyes and Shawn was the one with the goatee.

"Hey Margo," Shawn said.

"Hi nice to meet you. We're usually live up in New York but we flew in to see how Morgan was doing. I'm a lawyer," Topanga told me.

"Oh."

Shawn left to go check on Sierra. After awhile, everyone else left.

"I didn't know you had an older sister," I told Morgan.

"Yeah well neither did anyone else up until she called a few weeks ago."

"Oh."

"I used to blonde, like Ashley, Missy and Olivia but then I dyed my hair black permanently."

"Oh."

A short, plump woman with thin black hair in a bun at the nape of her neck and dark eyes came in with a guy about Morgan's age, who had dark green eyes and thin hair reaching to his shoulders that was the same colour as the woman's.

"Hello dear," the woman said.

"Hi Rosemary. This is my friend Margo. Margo, this is Rosemary O'Dell-Boticelli."

"Hi Margo, nice to meet you," the woman said.

"Hi you too."

"Hey Leo," Morgan said to the guy.

"Hey Morgan how are you?" the guy asked.

"Ok."

"I'm Leo, by the way," the guy told me.

"And I'm Margo."

"I know. You just told my mom that."

"Oh so I did."

We laughed.

"Leo's one of my really good friends," Morgan informed me.


	14. Food Binge

**Saturday**

It was Saturday night. I was out of the hospital and back at my house. It was 11 at night and everyone else was asleep. The boys and dad were out of course. That hadn't changed. I was in my room, eating. Well binge eating to be more precise. The only thing I craved right now were sweets. Since Halloween had been a week and a day ago I had plenty. I had so much food, chocolate candy, cupcakes, cookies, brownies and cake. Well I didn't eat an entire cake I knew I couldn't do that. But I had several cake slices. And Luna bars, of course. And fruit; apples, mangos, raspberries, cherries and peaches. I was lonely so I ate. And just kept eating. Then I went to sleep.


	15. Pregnancy

I was in my locked, closed, white bathroom that night at 9 after an all-day ballet rehearsal for our upcoming performance of the nutcracker. I was holding a pregnancy stick in my hand. It had been 3 minutes. After 2 more a pink + sign appeared. This meant I was pregnant. I knew I would be but I didn't want to believe it. I was only 15.

"Oh god," I whispered.

Someone knocked on the bathroom door.

"Margo?" Vanessa asked.

"Are you ok in there?"

Vanessa was extremely perceptive and knew when something was wrong

"Vanessa, I I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Margo, you're 15. How………why?"

"I'll tell you. In my room."

"Ok."

I put the stick in the drawer under the sink. I figured it would be safer there then in the trash. I then walked from the bathroom into my room. The front door of my room was closed. Vanessa was also in my room with 2 cups of tea and a teapot sitting on a table. She was sitting on the floor. I knew she had locked the bedroom door.

"Now sit down and tell me what's happened," she said.

I sat down on the floor across from her and sipped some tea.

"Well, as you now know, I'm pregnant."

Vanessa nodded.

"It wasn't………it wasn't someone I know."

"So you were?"

"Yes, under the influence of alcohol."

"Oh god."

I launched into the whole story of what had happened.

"Does anyone else know?"

"No, you're the first."

"Ok. I won't tell anyone."

"Ok. But I knew it would happen, me being pregnant like this. It happened in September actually. He……um,"

Vanessa nodded.

"So that's why you didn't answer your phone," she said, piecing things together.

I nodded.

"Yeah. That's why."


	16. Telling Claire

Vanessa had left, closing but not locking the door behind her and taking the tea downstairs into the kitchen. I was reading Tiger Eyes on my bed in my room. A knock came on my closed door.

"Come in!" I called.

My younger sister Claire came in. I looked up when she entered the room. She had very good posture, being a model, as did I, being a dancer. I put the book face down on my bed. Claire sat down on my bed.

"Hey Claire," I said.

"Hey Margo."

"How are you?"

"Ok how are you?"

"Idinno. Sick, scared, upset, frightened."

Claire looked at me wide-eyed.

"Why?"

"Claire………..um I'm not sure exactly how to tell you this………and it's not easy to say but-"

"Yes?"

"I'm pregnant."

"What why how?"

"Well, you see Claire-"

"No I know _how_, obviously. I know scientifically and biologically how. But how can this be? Margo, you're only 15!"

"Yes, I realize this. Thank you for pointing it out though."

"Sorry."

"No, I know you're right. I wish it hadn't happened, either. But it did it had and now, here I am, pregnant and sick. Sick because I'm pregnant and also because of, er, something else."

"So it wasn't your choice?"

"Oh no god no. if it had been, well, this wouldn't've happened."

"Did you know who it was?"

"No. it happened that night when I didn't come home."

"I was wondering about that. "

"Yeah well. The only evidence I have, besides the fact that it happened, is the key to his apartment, for the police. I know I'll have to tell them eventually."

"Who else knows? Have you been to the hospital? What about STDs?" Claire rattled off a series of questions.

"Well um Vanessa. I just told her a few minutes ago. And now you. No, I haven't been to the hospital. For this I mean. And I hope to god I don't have any STDs. I know where his apartment is, though."

"oh. Well you need to go to the hospital."

"Yeah I know."

"Vanessa, Haley, Charlotte, Reba and I will come with you."

"Ok."

"One of the women at my modeling school makes really cool clothes for women who are pregnant."

"That would be nice."

"Ok. I'll let her know."

"Ok."

Claire left.


	17. Monday

**Monday**

It was the next day, Monday. I'd gone to the hospital the previous night with Claire, Vanessa, Haley, Charlotte and Reba. We'd gotten there by bus. My nurse turned out to be Megan. She told me she knew of an abortion clinic if I wanted an abortion and that everything was fine but the baby might be born a little prematurely. She also told me I needed to ear more because the night time she would see me in the hospital she wanted it to be because a baby was being born and not because I was not eating.

It was night, actually. 7;00. I was at Lucy's house and for once everyone was home. We were all at the dinner table with her parents, Ruthie, her brothers, Matt, the twins Sam and David, and Matt's girlfriend Elizabeth who was very pregnant. She was very pretty with dark brown eyes and brown curly hair that reached to her shoulders. Mary and Simon, Lucy's older siblings, weren't at the dinner table and neither was Julie, Lucy's aunt and Mr. Camden's sister.

Sam and David were 7, Ruthie was 12, Lucy was 14, Simon was 18, Matt was 19 as was Elizabeth and Mary was 21. Mr. and Mrs. Camden were the age of my parents. The Camdens were Christian and several of their children had biblical names; David, Ruthie from Ruth, Mary and matt from Matthew. Ruth was in the story of Job which our school had performed last year. Sam, David, Simon and Mrs. Camden were the only ones who were blonde in the family. Everyone else had brown hair.

Mrs. Camden turned her head towards the stairs.

"Simon, Mary come down please!" she called.

"Mom he can't he's sick!" Mary replied; "and Aunt Julie's locked in her room."

Mrs. Camden sighed.

"Again?" she muttered.

She and her husband stood up.

"I'll take Julie and you take Simon and Mary," he said.

She nodded. They went upstairs. Lucy, Elizabeth, Sam, David, Matt, Ruthie and myself waited to start eating.

"You know," I told Elizabeth, "I'm going to look like that pretty soon."

"Wow…but you're 15."

"Yeah, I know. It wasn't my choice, Elizabeth, believe me."

"Neither was mine. But luckily I have Matt."

"Oh."

Pause.

"My friend Sierra is pregnant," I said.

"Oh?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah. She's 17."

"Wow."

The kitchen table was very large and round, with a light wooden tabletop and white legs and feet. On the table was fruit, vegetables, mashed potatoes, pasta and chicken, glasses of milk, fruit punch and water. There was a pitcher of apple cider. The reason people sat at round tables was so that there wasn't anyone at the head of the table; everyone was equal. And it made it easier to see everyone. Our teachers often did this at school for class discussions. The idea of round tables dated back to the days of King Arthur.

"I can see your mom has you eating very well," I told Ruthie.

She nodded.

"So who all is coming to the church tomorrow night?" Lucy asked.

"I know our family is," Matt said.

Sam and David nodded.

"My family is as is Morgan's," I said.

"Great. Then we should have plenty of people there since we've all got large families."

"And Lizzie, Kate, Haley, Charlotte, Reba and their families are coming as well."

"Ok."

I knew that after dinner we would have dessert too. I wasn't sure I wanted any, or dinner. The Camdens respected this but also wanted to help.

"Um, Lucy?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Is tomorrow night going to be, um, religious-based?"

Lucy smiled.

"Oh no. Just a fun art day and picnic for the community. Whoever wants to come can. It's open to the public. We usually have pretty many people."

"Oh ok."

The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Ruthie said, standing up.

She went to answer the door.

I heard a loud crash from upstairs.

"Julie, you need help!" I heard Mr. Camden say.

Lucy rolled her eyes; "oh no here we go again."

"I don't want it, Eric!" Julie yelled.

Sam and David looked frightened. Even the dog looked frightened.

"But you need it. I will not have you acting like this in my house. You're frightening Sam and David. And I don't want Ruthie and Lucy growing up witnessing this. If you don't get help then I'm going to have to refer you to a counselor. And you'll stay there instead of here."

"Eric!"

"This has gone on for far too long Julie."

Lucy turned to me.

"He's right, it has," she said.

"Ok fine Simon! Go, just go! I'm tired of putting up with this!" I heard Mrs. Camden yell.

Simon ran down the stairs and out the back door.

"We won't see him until possibly tomorrow," Lucy told me.

"Oh I know how that is."

I heard footsteps upstairs.

"Eric's right, Julie. This has gone on for far too long," Mrs. Camden said.

Lucy leaned towards me.

"Now you know why I cut," she whispered.

I nodded.

Ruthie entered the kitchen with a beautiful young lady who was Arabic and looked scared.

"Sit down," Ruthie told her.

She did, right between Matt and Elizabeth. Ruthie went to the kitchen sink to put water into a glass.

"Hi I'm Margo," I said.

"I'm Jasmine," she replied.

"Nice to meet you."

"You too. I'm a friend of Ruthies, from school."

"Oh."

"I know Ashley, Morgan's sister. And your sister, Claire."

"Oh."

She didn't have an accent.

Ruthie brought over the glass and set it in front of Jasmine, then sat down herself. Jasmine looked at Ruthie gratefully. "Thank you," she said.

"Mmhmm."

I heard more yelling upstairs.

"This always happens," Lucy told me.

"Sounds like the nights at my house."

"Oh."

Jasmine took a sip of her water.

"So what happened?" Ruthie asked Jasmine.

"A rock was thrown in my bedroom window. A big one. I'm lucky it didn't hit me. And at my dad's car. Someone put a note under our door."

"What did the note say?"

"It it had racial words on it."

"I just don't want to believe it could happen here," Matt said.

"When my sister Vanessa's friend Reba moved here from Georgia her family had a hard time."

"Oh. What race are they?"

"They're black. Not that that matters to any of us."

"No, it doesn't. We're Arabic."

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm telling Dad," Ruthie proclaimed.

She stood up, pushing her white chair back.

"Ruthie," Lucy said.

Ruthie turned around.

"Be careful up there."

"Ok I will."

Jasmine followed Ruthie upstairs.


	18. At The Church

I walked out of the coffee shop and onto the sidewalk, into the still night air. Despite this, there was activity going on. I didn't doubt that the man was still at the bar. I was glad he was there and not at his apartment building. But I was scared for all the other young women he had damaged, and would damage in the future, wherever they were.

Up ahead of me a few blocks was a large church. I knew churches were usually closed at this hour but I was curious as to whether or not it was open. My grandmother, a deeply spiritual woman, had said that churches, religion could be extremely helpful and powerful.

I arrived at the church and pushed the heavy front door open, surprised to find that it opened. I walked into the front entrance, which even at this hour was lit. to my right was a table with pamphlets and activity sheets piled on it, describing the different activities the church had for the community. Above the table, on the white brick wall was a brown bulletin with more activities pinned to it. One of the papers caught my eye. It was green, advertising community art day. _Ooh art day,_ I thought. _That sounds interesting._ Anyone could come and join. Artists of all sorts, talents and levels. Families, single people, siblings, friends. It was the Tuesday of every week. It met at 6 p.m. I would love to come but I had prior commitments, such as ballet.

"Hello?" I called; "um is anyone in here? Exscuse me, miss, sir?"

I didn't know if whoever was in here was male or female.

"Oh, come on in," a female voice called.

I walked from the front entryway into a large room, the main part of the church where the pews are. The windows were of stained glass, but not of religious icons. At the front was a large black piano and candles in a large, thin silver candle holder placed on the dark blue carpeted floor. The thin white candles were lit and burning. A few rows ahead of me I saw a pretty young woman, with light brown hair who looked about my age. She was going through the pews, picking up things that had fallen on the floor, such as Bibles, hymnals and golf pencils. She looked up when she saw me.

"Oh hello," she said.

"Hi. I don't mean to intrude……..I mean, er, if you were…….."

"No no it's fine. I'm Lucy by the way. Lucy Camden."

"Hi I'm Margo."

"Hi Margo, nice to meet you."

"Thank you. You as well."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"As are you."

Lucy smiled; "I wouldn't normally be here this late but my dad had to go help one of Matt's friends. He's the usually the one who locks up. My dad, that is. He's a reverend."

"Matt?" I asked.

"My brother. One of them, anyway. I have 3 others. And 2 sisters."

"Oh wow. I have a large family as well. 7 other siblings."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I know."

"Sometimes you can get lost in the crowd."

"Yes, you can."

Lucy continued picking up the fallen items.

"How old are you?" she asked.

"15. You?"

"14."

"That's the same age as my sister Claire. Do you know Claire?"

"No, no I don't."

"Oh."

"My sister Ruthie's 12."

"Oh."

"And Sam and David, the twins, are 7," Lucy said.

"Oh. Claire's the youngest."

"Oh."

"What does your mom do?" I asked.

"She's a house wife. And yours?"

"Same. We never get to see my dad much. He's always at the office."

"Wow. That must be hard."

"It is. It is."

The church was so quiet, and still.

"so margo," lucy asked after awhile.

"yes?"

"what brought you here?"

"well I was………………I was damaged. By a man."

"oh wow I don't know what to say."

"thank you."

Lucy nodded; "was this recently?"

I nodded; "yes a few hours ago."

"wow. Does anyone else know?"

"no. not yet. Youre the first person ive told and we hardly know each other."

"well maybe me being a reverends daughter has something to do with it? And that youre in a church."

I smiled.

"its nice to see you smile, even after that huge ordeal," lucy told me.

"thank you."

"mmm hmm."

"I haven't been to the hospital or told the police but I know I need to."

"yeah I understand. I had to have an abortion."

I was surprised; "wha what?" I asked. "I mean, exscuse me?"

"last year. It happened to me too margo."

"wow."

"I knew I couldn't take care of a child. I was only 13 at the time. It broke my heart to have an abortion but I knew it was the right thing to do."

I nodded.

"are you going to keep it?" lucy asked.

"what?"

"the baby. Are you going to keep it?"

"I I really don't know. I don't know if ill be able to dance or not, while……during…."

"mmm hmm. What kind of dancing?"

"ballet. Its my passion."

"wow."

"yeah so."

Pause.

"and, I don't want to go home because…….well, things aren't the greatest there either."

Lucy nodded.

"I know that I wont be noticed. My sister Vanessa has her friends over and claires away at modeling. My other sister mollys baby sitting. Dads at the office like I said. And moms arguing with my brother about their drinking and drug use."

"I know how that is. Well, the craziness, anyway. My brother simon frequently gets drunk and my brother's matt's girlfriend is pregnant as the result of an abusive relationship. Before she dated matt, that is. So she's been staying at our place. Ruthie also models."

I nodded.

"how long has it been going on?" lucy asked me.

"hmm? What?"

"the drugs and drinking."

"oh. About a year."

"oh wow. I know how that is. With simon and also my aunt Julie, my dads sister."

"oh wow. What about you?"

"with whom?"

"both."

"with Julie since I was 9."

"wow. I don't know what to say."

"thanks."

"2 years after that, simon started. That was when I started cutting, when I was 11."

"wow."

"yeah I know. Neither of them have stopped, by the way."

"oh."

Lucy smiled.

"dancing on pointe is a form of self destruction," I said.

"yeah it kinda is," lucy agreed.

Pause.

"I just hope it doesn't happen to Claire," I said.

"what doesn't?"

"you know, the………..damage."

"yeah I know. I hope it doesn't happen to ruthie either."

"yeah."

Pause.

"do you know angela?" I asked.

"hmm?"

"angela. The woman in the coffee shop……..down the road. Or rather up the road."

"oh." Lucy nodded; "yes yes I do. Shes a wonderful woman."

"yes she is. I just met her myself a few hours ago. She gave me free hot choclit."

"well that's the kind of person she is margo."


	19. Back At The Coffee Shop

I walked out of the church and went back to the coffee shop that I'd been to earlier. Once in the coffee shop I went to the bathroom to get some of my money out, even though there was hardly anyone in the coffee shop. Once I had my money, I zipped my purse back up and walked out of the bathroom.

I stood at the counter and waited. The coffee shop was fairly large, with a dark brown wood floor and booths that had brown cushioning on them, so the seats would be more comfortable for people like me. The booths were in the middle of the café and outside were round tables. Over the booths hung round, medium gray lamps.

A woman my height with long, curly golden hair appeared in front of the counter. That's the only to describe it, is she appeared. She was wearing white and smelled of lilies.

"Oh hello Margo," she said.

"Um I…….hi, how do you know me?" I asked, a little creeped out by the fact.

Angela walked and stood by the golden-haired woman.

"Oh hi Margo," Angela greeted me.

"Hi," I said.

"This is my daughter, Dreama Lily. Well, one of them, anyway. The other is Violet Rose. Dreama, this is Margo Pike, Vanessa's sister."

"Ohhh. Hi," I told Dreama Lily.

"Hi. You can call me Lily. Nice to meet you." She replied.

"Ok. Thank you. You as well."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"As are you."

Angela walked back to wherever she had come from.

"What can I get you?" Lily asked me.

"A hot choclit," I said.

"Ok that will be 2.23."

I slid the 5 dollar bill across the counter to her. She took it, calculated the change and gave it back to me. I waited while she made the hot choclit, with whip cream on top. Above the front counter hanging on the ceiling on chains were several blackboards, the beverages and food written on them in coloured chalk.

Lily slid the hot choclit over to me. I told her 'thank you' and went to sit in a booth.

After awhile, 2 blonde girls about my height and age entered the coffee shop. They ordered hot choclit as well, and muffins. They then came over to where I was sitting.

"Hi mind if we sit here?" one of them asked.

"We would sit somewhere else but we really don't want to," the other said.

"Oh no not at all," I replied; "I'm Margo, by the way."

They sat down on the seat across from me.

"Hi I'm Kate," the one with the berry currant muffin told me; "Kate Saunders-Hill."

"Hi nice to meet you," I said.

"I'm Lizzie, Lizzie McGuire," the blonde with the choclit muffin said.

"Hi."

"God it's late," Kate said.

"Yeah I know," I replied.

"What are you doing here so late?" Lizzie wanted to know.

"Well I…………….I was damaged. By a man."

"Oh god. I I don't know what to say. But I know what it's like. Since my dad used to…….." Kate told me.

"Oh god."

"Yeah. Numerous times, too."

"Oy. What are you doing here so late?" I asked them.

"Well, we were on a school trip up in New York, and one day we ran into Kate's dad, so………" Lizzie explained.

I nodded; "yeah I understand."


End file.
